Over the last 20-25 years, the idea behind a great faction was that you needed to have wrestlers with unique skills and abilities fill roles within the group. The classic setup was the flashy front man coupled with the crushing bruiser and athletic, yet sneaky, tag team specialists. When done right, it works really well; when it’s half-assed, it’s painful. Fortune fits the mold, in theory, but the personalities involved are so vanilla that it’s hard to get behind the group.
As I watched the merry-go-round of promos last night, the first thing that came to mind was NXT and how each rookie is given the shot to grab some facetime and work on the mike. Problem is, when putting together a faction in the model of a Horsemen, everyone should be masters of both in-ring performance and chatting on the mike. Sadly, Robert Roode doesn’t look like he’s comfortable speaking in public, James Storm may, or may not, possess a human tongue, and Styles and Kazarian play spoiled aristocrats as well as any segment involving Knockouts attempting to memorize written lines.
In short: This ain’t gonna work.
Who do I blame for this budding atrocity? Well, no one really. It’s just part of the show at this point. I’m sure this all seemed like a great idea behind the scenes, but some things are better left on the creative room floor, and this may have been one of them.
The Week In Televised Wrestling
Smackdown (7/23)
Did you know that the adult beverages at “Turn” headquarters—besides being only available to those of legal age—are straight up free? That’s right: Work for “The Turn,” be of age, and you can enjoy a social lubricant. We bring this up because it must’ve been the multiple stops at the “Turn” minibar that made us for a second—just a fleeting, regret-this-tomorrow second—do a double-take at the foxy gal on Smackdown last Friday night. Like a boozehound staring aimlessly from the end of the bar, we attempted to justify to ourselves just how hot the woman on the screen was. And, no, of course it wasn’t the PBR talking. That woman: Vickie Guerrero … or Dolph Ziggler. Hell if we know. Either way, one looked better than they had in years and the other was pretty solid in the ring. We’re not proud of either position, but in vino veritas, eh?
Raw (7/26)
Oh, geez … can anyone pull this rag-tag group of monstrous egos with equally huge levels of talent together just in time for SummerSlam and their big match against Nexus? With only a few weeks left until John Cena’s team of main-eventers takes on Nexus, some may be disheartened to see infighting amongst the group, but not us at “The Turn.” No, we’re sure that, just in time, all involved will put their egos aside and do what’s right for WWE … until Cena turns against everyone and you all love him. Or, Triple-H comes back and you all love him. Lemmings. Oh, and what the hell was with the laptop GM making a D-X reference? Dontchu do it, WWE … dontchu dare do that to us.
NXT (7/27)
Please join us in mourning the loss of the great Eli Cottonwood from this season of NXT. Best known for, quite honestly, two things—the ass-whooping he took at the hands of Husky Harris and Lucky Cannon, and his wonderful fascination with mustaches—Cottonwood was bounced from the competition Tuesday night for being the lowest-ranked rookie in the most recent poll. With only six rookies left in the competition, we’re still sticking with our choice, Husky Harris. But, we’re hoping against all hope that Cottonwood eventually reappears as a member of a WWE roster because, honestly, can’t we all use a little more mustache in our lives?
Impact (7/29)
I wasn’t sure just how TNA could’ve made my least favorite pay-per-view name sound any more like pay cable porn, but, damn, if Dixie Carter didn’t knock one out of the park last week. “Hardcore Justice”? Seriously? That’s just … beautiful. Justice is doled out in many forms, be it “Hard,” “Blind,” or, now, “Hardcore.” We’re going to tune into the event because … well … it’s our job. But, to say we’re less than enthused would be an understatement. You know what’s great about a one-night stand? Everything. You know what you have after three or four of those? A relationship that no one’s really into during the daylight hours. Next year, rumor has it that Dixie is going to rename the event ECW Bootycall.
And Finally … Consider us interested parties in the very real, soon-to-be very ugly nastiness between former ECW bombshell Dawn Marie and our colleague from the Wrestling Globe Newsletter, Mike Aldren. For anyone not following the situation, Aldren is raising some serious questions regarding Dawn Marie’s Wrestlers Rescue organization. Given that we at “The Turn” promoted the organization some time back at the request of Dawn Marie, and believe that the philosophy behind the entity is good, we’re going to reserve judgment until all of the facts are unearthed. Until that time, we encourage everyone to do a little research and let us know what you think (pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com).
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